Why I’m Thankful For 2020
Short on time? Listen instead.
If I had to summarize this year in one word it would be chaotic. I predict that the majority of society would agree that 2020 has been the most stressful and depressing year we’ve lived through. Let’s briefly recap the major stories from this year:
- On January 2, 2020, New South Wales declared a state of emergency due to wildfires. According to MSN “Some reports revealed that the fire damaged over 988,421 acres (400,000 hectares) of Victorian land.”
- On January 26th basketball legend Kobe Bryant and his daughter were two of the victims of the helicopter crash that shook the world.
- On January 30th WHO declares coronavirus as a global health crisis. The world went on lockdown and many lives were lost with the number rising monthly.
Why I Am Thankful For 2020
This stance may come across delusional or a side effect of trauma. But, it’s not a bad thing. This tumultuous year brought clarity into my life in two major ways.
- Revealing cracks in my foundation
- Guiding me to my purpose
How 2020 Exposed The Truth About Me, Myself, And I
Quarantine has been fairly easy for me because I’m a homebody, however, not having the option to leave slowly chipped away at my sanity. All I could think about was that this was supposed to be my year. A reset button for my life but instead I became trapped in the darkest corners of my mind. As I began to snap and defend myself from the accusations of those around me I realized that I had a lot of unresolved emotions.
This revelation sent me down a path to mental clarity. Every week I would read a new self help book seeking to find the answer to my overwhelming anguish. It wasn’t until I read the book Love Me, Don’t Leave Me by Michelle Keen, psyd, that the full picture became apparent. I have a core wound that lives in a fear of abandonment and betrayal.
Growing up I never felt like people loved me for me, rather they were in love with their idea of who I should be and that made me take on the role of actress to appease people I valued. From a young age my mother’s father refusing me in public but embracing me in private set the broken foundation of unworthiness and abandonment that continued to replay itself in my adult years.
This year taught me how imperative it was to uplift myself and allow myself to use my voice without fear of rejection from those I value. It taught me that some people aren’t meant to walk through life with you and that it’s not my job to be everything to everyone at all times. For the first time I can confidently express what I need and expect in relationships without fear of losing the relationship. My feelings matter and should be considered important to anyone I choose to build a relationship with now and in the future.
How 2020 Led Me To My Purpose
Often times clarity is a direct result of difficult circumstances. I have felt so low and trapped my entire life. I often chose careers or hobbies that relatives suggested after shooting down the goals I created for myself. As a result I suppressed my needs and wants in order to become the person others wanted me to be.
Recently, I have allowed myself to meditate on what I want out of life and I realized that my entire life it has been painfully obvious that I’m a creative. From writing to music and art, I have the ability to create effortlessly. Learning creative skills is like breathing to me but I lack confidence in this reality. In my mind I’m not good enough or visually appealing enough for society to deem my artistic talents worthy.
It’s a flawed belief but it’s a real mental conversation I struggle with daily. I enjoy singing, writing, photography, and filmography but I perform below average when I’m asked to show people that I have these abilities.
Ultimately, I have decided that surviving 2020 is proof that I can do anything if I just apply myself. With this newfound mindset I have created the Say No More December! There are a list of 31 goals that I will accomplish and share without considering the opinions of others. If they can express themselves then you better believe I’m not sitting on the sidelines as a cheerleader anymore!
The year 2020 might’ve been a year full of pain, tears and fear but like a rose rising through concrete I will prevail and the beauty will be one to behold. I encourage anyone reading this to challenge yourself to see the good in a bad situation. You’re only as weak as you choose to be. Keep going until you step fully into the person you were created to be in life. Hard times will either crush you or toughen you up and I hope everyone gains strength. 2020 might’ve tested our resolve but if you look closely we prevailed in so many ways.
